Friday, 24 April 2009

Bonne Fête Kris!

I could say this post is going to have substance, buuuut... that would be the biggest lie I've told since that time I told my dad I'd be home by midnight and came home three days later. (That was in 1998... I don't lie a lot. Oddly enough though, now that I think about it, that also involved a boy named Kristopher... weird...)

April 29th is the third-worst day of my year (every year) and this year, I have decided that instead of dwelling on the only thing more unnegotiable than taxes, I have decided to ignore its existence. Instead, I choose to celebrate Birthday Week, Le Swooon-Style. Essentially, this is going to be something of a Kris Letang Love-fest, celebrating all things Le Swooon so that I don't have to think about stupid crappy things that happened years ago.

If you are easily offended by good looking men, flightless birds or black and gold hockey sweaters, well, you've been warned. Call me whatever you like, and try to see if I care. Also, I finally got a Blingee account over Easter weekend (in case you missed the octopus-assassination thing a few days ago) and, as can be expected, the results are moderately ludicrous.

Now, down to business...

It's Kristopher Letang's Birthday today!
swooon blingee
He's 22.
If you see him, buy him a beer.
Then buy him another one, from me.
I'll pay you back when I'm in town in a couple weeks.

What does the birthday boy want this year?
Tu croix?!

Sorry, this one's out of my 'bloody, guts and glory' price range.
I'll cheer like a hell cat though, if that helps.
I'll make idiot bets with the universe, too.
You need only ask.

If Kris Letang's life so far was a hockey game, this is how shit would go down...

First Period: Le Swooon Baby Photos (aka Minor/Junior Hockey)
Theoretically, I should list his stats or something.

I should mention how his team in Midget won silver in the National Championship (the Telus Cup) in 2003, shortly before he was selected 27th overall by the Val d'Or Foreurs in the QMJHL Midget Draft in 2003. Or how he was named the top defenceman in the Quebec Midget AAA league in 2004.

Maybe even something about him playing on Team Quebec in the Under 17 Challenge. Quebec won bronze.

I probably should mention that he was one of the top D-men in the QMJHL while he was in junior but, honestly, I expect everyone is too busy staring at his pretty brown eyes to really take notice of what I write.

Is there really any use mentioning that he scored 13 goals in his rookie season in the Q? Or that he notched 19 assists. Or that in his sophomore season he logged 68 points in 60 games. That's 25 goals, 13 of them on the power-play. Love him. Love him LOTS.

There's also that little thing of him being named to the both the QMJHL and CHL All-Rookie teams in 2005. And that bit about him being drafted 3rd round (62nd OA) to Pittsburgh that summer in the Sidney Crosby sweepstakes.

Does anyone really care though, that he was on both the QMJHL and CHL All-Star teams in 2006 and 2007? How about that he was Captain in Val d'Or in his third season of junior? Or fact that in that last season in the Q, he only played 60 games with the Foreurs because he played 7 with the Penguins and another bunch with Team Canada at the Junior Worlds? (ACTION SHOT! and... gratuitous shot of another boy I ADORE...)

At the end of the 2006-2007 season he took home some hardware: the Emile Bouchard Trophy (best defenceman), the Kevin Lowe Trophy (best defensive defenceman), and the Paul Dumont Trophy, the QMJHL award for Best Personality. Paul Steigerwald finds this hard to believe. I think he's just dumb and doesn't get Letang's terrifically French Canadian sense of humour. It's a cultural thing...

Kind of like bleaching your beautiful brown hair blond in junior.
(Then again, I suppose dying your blond hair black at 16 is comparable, so I really shouldn't talk...)

What? You didn't think I love him because he's just another pretty face, did you?

First Intermission: Gratuitous Eye Candy...
You make my heart into mush when you smile like that... good mush.
Do it as much as you like.

These photos have been hijacked from anywhere and everywhere on the internet. If one is yours, okay. I'm not getting money for this so don't flip out. I'll give you credit if you want.

For whatever reason this Pens and Pins photo was saved as "apartement avec moi?" - I can't remember exactly why, but I blame Kylie. (The answer, however, would be a resounding BEN OUI! :P)

See Oxford English Dictionary under 'rakish grin'
(we all love and hate you C.)

Second Period: Porter le C, and other Team Canada exploits
Kris Letang makes the U18 team.
Goes to the Czech Republic.
Wins silver.

Makes the U20 team.
Goes to Vancouver (big whoop...)
Plays in the Garage.
Wins Gold.


Happiest. Boy. In. Canada.
(he's #12)


Makes the U20 team. Again.
Porte le 'C' - Capitaine Le Swooon.
Goes to Sweden.
Scores 6 points in 6 games.
Wins gold. Again.
Named to the WJC All-Star Team.
I remember him being given a player of the game award or two,
but I can't find record of this.
We already know he's ace.

Back when you didn't hate Craig Hartsburg yet...

<-- The gold-medal game you faked sick to watch because your ex-boyfriend hated hockey. One reason he's an ex...

Warning: potential sob-fest alert.
Happiest. Boys. In. Sweden.

Second Intermission: Swooon-worthy

Third Period: Bienvenue a Pittsburgh!


You're looking at this photo and you realize that TK and Letang are wearing numbers other than 48 and 58. Then you notice that the trainer next to them is in a Sens jacket. Must be pre-season. Best guess is fall 2007?

Letang now plays for, what was growing up, his favourite team. Try not to dwell on the fact that this is kittens-in-your-crocs-calibre-cute or the fact that, even though neither of you is from Pittsburgh, you were both unwittingly cheering for the same team in 1991 when you were both infatuated with Mario Lemieux's god-like on-ice exploits.
le swooon can crash my net anytime he likes...
(I'm not the only one who thinks so)


I don't need to go over how Letang's become a solid blue-liner since last fall when he was forced into a more serious role with Sarge and Whitters (pre-trade) on the IR, do I? Or how he's the highest scoring defeceman the Pens has this season? And I certainly don't have to go over the fact that he's scored as many game winners this season as Sidney Crosby, or that, in the 2007-2008 season he led the NHL in shootout goals by defencemen. Do I?

Didn't think so.

Action shot! Pens-Flyers Round 1, Game 2
(courtesy of Kylie)

Overtime: Things that make your knees weak
(even though you KNOW it's completely pathetic...)

Hey Richards?
That smirk is about to get wiped off your ugly mug of a face.
Yours Truly, #58

Innocent? I look innocent, right?

Double Overtime: Why You Want to Bring #58 Home With You


...1:44 ish on...

...1:50... le swooon dangereux...


Someone please feed this boy...


Triple Overtime: Wherein Your Brain Turns to Mush...

...mute the bad rap-music and imagine saying him whatever you like...

Oh, the hair... it probably deserves a post of its own.

...and Your Motherboard Explodes...
I can't look at this without laughing hysterically.
Please do not ask me to explain: I have no clue.

le swooon-drool
My best guess is too much Easter chocolate...

Bonne fête mon p'tit chou!
Bonne chance samedi soir!
J'espère que tu n'etais pas vraiment blessé mardi...

(Et bonne chance dans la prochaine séries contre n'importe qui qu'ils sont!)


Clare said...

Can I nominate this as the best post ever? At least swoon wise. This was a great start to a potentially bad Friday, whenever I get frustrated today I am just going to think of this post. Yes I promise to tell you the full story of me meeting Leswooon in Pittsburgh but just be warned you will love him so much more than you already do.

Happy Birthday Kris!

ali said...

I agree completely with Clare -- this post really helped start a potentially awful Friday off on the right foot (especially because of last night... blah) ...

It was a beautiful post! :)


Lauren said...

Heheh I think the last Blingee was my favorite! :)

And I've seen the video of him in the Kasual t-shirt where you can hear what's he actually saying - I think I recall it being in French.

Susan said...

Ah, what a way to start Friday!
Clare, I can't wait to hear all about it!
Thanks, Mer, for this!

mer said...

@ cleo - I'll post it on the sidebar as such :P And yes, you will be required to tell the full story in Pittsburgh, but there is absolutely no way anything anyone can say could possibly make me adore him ANY more than I already do. Seriously. I'm THAT sad.

@ everyone - last night sucked. it sucked HARD. I'm trying to forget it happened. It's pure coincidence that this followed the suckiest night of playoffs so far, but it is hella convenient that Le Swooon is good at making you forget about bad things... game five? what game five? we play game five on saturday...

Val said...

If this is what heaven is like, I so want to be have totally made my day, and I am with Clare - best post ever...blingee makes things so much more special and when you throw in leswooon, well not much else can or should be said!

Happy Friday, women! Now the pens need to win or else I am going to get really mad!

Allison said...

Somebody sent me a link to this post in am IM... and it was the best IM I ever received.

OMG, what dedication to KTang!

mer said...

@ allison - there is a reason we call him 'le swooon'... the sad part is how little of his junior stats I had to look up. The sad result of following the CHL and WJC semi-religiously.

Allison said...

@mer.... you know what? it;s not sad at all... theres pleantly of hockey players who's stats i know by heart... its totally normal... i may be totally drunk, and i may have spell checked this 12 times, but its ok.. =]

Sasky said...

Having admired the beauty that is Kris Letang from the other end of the Capitals Press box he goes between being absolutely delicious and looking like a lost confused homeless wannabee mugger. I think it was a combination of the sulk, the hunched shulders and the far to big coat.

IT was so hard not to watch him.

mer said...

Shout out to Puck Huffers for linking to this post. I laughed my ass off for at least five minutes.

Enjoy the Kporn y'all :P