Wednesday, 18 February 2009

literal LOLs

the shag is no more...

Stefan Legein got a haircut. Apparently, in Syracuse, this counts as news.

(Is it horribly pathetic of me to be a little sad? I really like his insanely long, almost Wayne Campbell-y hair...)

Any reference to Wayne's World.

If you do not understand, I - I - I have no words for you. Go. Watch it. Now. That's an order. For the sake of your pop-culture education.

Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very, frightening MEEEEEEE!
GALILEO! Galileo!
GALILEO! Galileo!
GALILEO! Figaro!
Magnifico-oh -oh -Oh-OOHHHHH!

But I'm just a poor boy NO-body loves me-

He's just a poor boy from a poor family-

Spare him his life from this monstrosity-


Easy come easy go, will you let me GO?
Bis-mil-lah! NO! we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go

Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go

Will not let you go-Let Me Go!

Will not let you go LET ME GO!

no, no, No, No, NO, NO, NOOOOO-

Mama mia, Mama mia, Mama mia LET ME GO!!!

BEEE-EL-ZEBUB has a devil put aside for meeee -


(hand-banging, air guitar solo time!)

Freddie Mercury has nothing on Garth Adlar.

This article resulted in my laughing, nay GUFFAHING, so hard that about twenty people in a coffee shop in Kits were staring at me like I'd lost my mind, except for the cute guy sitting next to me who knew I'd lost my mind because he's editing a novel too.

Seriously. If you need a pick-me-up. Fourth paragraph. It's priceless. I love you Dany, but what have you been smoking ? (Cause it sure ain't Geno in the Art Ross race...)


Oh Captain, my (alternate) Captain,
While I appreciate that, as Alternate Capitaine (and sometimes-Big-Cheese), you must set an example of optimism for the sake of your team, and, while I really do find your inherent optimism and naivety unbelievably adorable, let's try not stray too far into laa-laa land. The Sens currently have the 5th-worst record in the league. Yes, being better than the Leafs again somehow makes everything in the universe make slightly more sense, but let's not let our imaginations run away with us. You are 13 points out of a play-off spot. That margin may, very well, increase. So I suggest you just keep drinking what ever concoction Cory Clouston is slipping into your Gatorade bottle and just keep going out there and kicking ass. Because, let's face it, you're still at least seven wins from being IN THE RUNNING. Which isn't to say, don't TRY. Do try. Try very, very hard. But don't, for a second, think that I'm convinced you'll be anywhere but Berne on my birthday - and, frankly, if you aren't by some freak chance in Ottawa or some other eastern conference arena on May 7th, you had BETTER be in Berne! Because if you aren't, it will mean Canada's not in the 1/4 finals at Worlds.

That said, if the Sens actually make the playoffs, I will fall prostrate at your Vector-calloused feet for all eternity and vow to never again doubt you again so long as you shall play. Since I already have a jersey with your name and number on the back, I'll have to think of something ridiculous to do if you make it to playoffs. Something that can be done cheap, from Vancouver. Because betting (or was it begging?) the world worked last time: I own a Sykora jersey as a result... and I really DO want you to make the playoffs; I just have absolutely no faith that you will. Sorry guys.

So, I suggest you start at least trying to close the 31-point gap between you and Malkin. Or you could just get on those 24 goals you owe me - really I'll take either, I'm easy. (40 goals or 80 points, remember?)


p.s. could you PLEASE kick some Vancouver ass tonight??? I'll be wearing my Sens jersey and I'd rather not get ridiculed. Thank you!

“And what finally leads Milton to his terrible conclusion about Satan’s fall? Or hasn’t anybody done the reading?” - from 'The Historian' by Elizabeth Kostova

When I read this line, I hear it in Mrs. P's voice. She was my favourite high school English teacher's voice and I literally cried a few tears laughing so hard on the bus reading this the first time. I think she may have actually said these exact words in my last year of high school. Only she would have said 'horrible' instead of 'terrible'; I'm not even sure why I can tell you that, but I can. It was even funnier because she is tall and pale, with white hair, but no wrinkles and she seems to have been frozen in time - but no one can really tell you at what age she was frozen. She may be immortal or a witch. Either would explain her cynical appreciation of gothic romance novels... this is a woman who, whilst I was writing the final examination for her class in eleventh grade, dropped a copy of Northanger Abbey on top of my exam notebook and said only, "Summer reading."

Prof. McGonagall reminds me of Mrs. P. Especially this look.

“...opening one of the windows a little bit to let the fresh Toronto air stream in...”

I read fanfic the way some people watch reality television; as a guilty, mindless pleasure that I really shouldn't ever admit in public (...whoops...) Once in a blue moon, I stumble across something cute or well-written or funny that just makes my entire day. I actually feel a bit badly, because I usually really like this girl's stuff, but I was compelled to copy and past the aforequoted (so not a word, I do not care!) sentence fragment because it was just too funny. Too. Freaking. Funny. LOL-funny. ROFL-funny. I'm-actually-using-horrendous-acronyms-funny.

Toronto aka. The Big Smog. Ten points if you can find the Skydome.

Remind me, what's the first rule of writing? Oh yeah, WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW! Clearly the author has never been to Toronto. Rule #2: Do you research - Google has expedited this process ridiculously - take advantange of the knowledge at your fingertips. Still, I have to thank her for making my day, however unintentionally.

The Blue Jackets are 6th in the West! This made me laugh out loud from sheer giddy one-of-my-teams-might-make-the-playoffs! joy. A few more straight wins (here's looking at you, Mase) and they'll be comfortably on Chicago's tail.

Tomorrow should be a fun afternoon. I will be watching the Sens-Nucks game on the big screen at the pub a (very literal) stone's throw from my back door - how often is it that any pub in this city WILLINGLY shows a Sens game? I will be cheering for the Sens extra hard because if they win, the BJ's also win. I will be simultaneously following the BJ's-Leafs game on my laptop on, praying doubly hard that Steve Mason has conquered mononucleosis and can shutout Toronto out or something, because if Columbus wins and Van loses, Columbus snags 5th place, Ottawa gets two lovely beautiful points and Toronto, well, Toronto sucks a little more than the Sens. Which, sadly, is something I take significant (superficial) pleasure in.

Go Sens! Go Columbus!

quite possibly my single favourite Team Canada photo
Soobie-Doo, the Wounded Cowboy, JT & Mase: January 5th, 2008


Val said...

can I just tell you, that even though I don't always comment, I do always read, and I must say I appreciate so much your cultural references.

A shag is a shag and when it is gone, there is sadness and then, it is a new day in hairdom.

Wayne's World - party on...

How many more days until New York?

Dany Heatley - okay, he is okay, but Brian Elliott (sp?, as always) now he is the bomb and I voted for him in Scotia Bank's fan fave of the week, thank you very much... rock, oh, and party on!

mer said...

@ val - haha thanks :)

dany can't skate for beans some games but at least he's a half decent sniper who's big enough to bulldoze his way through traffic to get to the net and score. he would be an undeniable asset, if he didn't shoot slap shots into ALFREDSSON'S JAW !!!

oh, brian elliott... (that IS how it's spelled, even though it's not normal to have two Ts) ... sigh. welcome to the big league kid. crap game, but at least CC didn't pull him.