Thursday, 5 March 2009

Days 5, 7 & 8 - Home

Day 5 - Bed. Burnt Hills, New York. That precipice between consciousness and sleep.

I am so blessed.

* * * * * * *

Day 7 - Home. Burnt Hills, New York. Reveling.

The more I think about it, the more it makes sense for me to just finish my degree. I think it's coming down to a mind-over-emotion struggle. Finishing my degree is the smart thing to do. It's also probably the healthiest thing to do.

* * * * * * *

Day 8 - Home. Still. Processing things.

It occurred to me yesterday that I feel like I can spread my wings here. I am not hindered by anything, I am not trapped by the mountains. I don't feel contained by my environment the way I do in British Columbia.

I originally moved to B.C. because the mountains made me feel safe. Protected. Coddled. I'd grown fond of the protection the mountains provided whilst in Scotland. Upon returning to Canada, I missed them, the mountains, the protection. I was living in Toronto, the most toxic environment I've ever lived in and I needed out. Vancouver had mountains. Vancouver was green. Vancouver was far, far away from Ontario. So I moved to Vancouver.

But Vancouver isn't home. Not home. I do love it, but I can't stay much longer. I went there to attend university. I think it's about time I finish that chapter of my life, the chapter set in Vancouver, and move on. I don't need protection anymore, I need to really spread my wings. I can't do that in Vancouver.

The mountains seem imposing now, like they're bearing down on me, smothering me, the ocean conspiring with them to drown me in ... something ... something that endeavours to keep me small and insignificant.

I'm sick of it.

I want out. I want to go someplace new, some place I can spread my wings and soar and see the infinite possibilities life has to offer instead of staying trapped between an imposing mountain range and the world's largest ocean, in a bubble that is far away and often-times cut off from so much of what I care about in the world.

In the words of the ever-fabulous Tom Petty, "it's time to move on, time to get going, what lies ahead I have no way of knowing..."

*Since Day 8 was yesterday, I guess I'm not on a 3-day delay anymore... although I can't promise that this means I'll keep this up so diligently...*


KD said...

You know, if you wanted to uh, spread your wings and fly to Pittsburgh, I definitely wouldn't mind. :)

Susan said...

Mer, I think you will be a sucess wherever you land. Spread your wings and fly, girl!

Val said...

yep, you need to spread those wings, and fly! Do you know why? Because you can! Do it, and you won't regret it, EVER!