Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Heart-Attack City

You know how I had my first round predictions up? I figured I may as well do a full chart if the first round played out and this is what I got:

Second Round - East:

Boston Bruins (1) vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (4)

Boston's second round to-do list:
1) crash
2) burn
Pens in 7.

Washington Capitals (2) vs. New Jersey Devils (3)

Zach Parise + Marty Brodeur > Ovie + Varlamov
Devils in 5.

Second Round - West:
San Jose Sharks (1) vs. Columbus Blue Jackets (7)
It's probably almost hilarious (in a really heartbreaking way) that I'm calling this series AT ALL, but I'm doing this based on my original predictions, and I called the BJs beating Detroit (even if the have to make the most unfathomable comeback in league history and take it to quadruple OT in game 7 to win it).
Sharks in 4.

n.b. EXCEPT... in the insanely unlikely event that Columbus wins this series, screw the rest of my predictions, Columbus wins the fucking Cup. (Sorry Pens fans.)

Vancouver Canucks (3) vs. Chicago Blackhawks (4)

Vancouver in 6.
Sorry Clare.

Which leads to the following...

Eastern Conference Final
New Jersey Devils (3) vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (4)
Insane series.
Flower and Marty are first and second star.
(For the duration of the entire series.)
Comes down to Parise vs. Malkin & Crosby.
Pens in 6.

Western Conference Final
San Jose Sharks (1) vs. Vancouver Canucks (3)
I'm not a huge Canucks fan.
Last summer, the Canucks season was written off before it even began, so when they went 6-0-1 in the pre-season
and then blanked the Flames 6-0 in the season opener,
it was kind of a shock to everyone.
I think this is their year.
Vancouver in 7.

I honestly think this will happen, that Vancouver will win that series. I think they're going to be the Holy-Crap-A-Year-Ago-We-Missed-Playoffs-with-Naslund-And-Linden-And-NOW-We're-In-The-Conference-
Fucking-Final? team. TSN called them 'The Destiny Team'. Then no one actually chose them to win the Cup. Jack-asses. I think they're going to go into the Conference Final with with a lot of energy, and that the sheer, unbridled shock and awe of being in the playoffs (and Division Champs!) will push them past the Sharks. Provided Sundin stays in the line up. Now I'm kind of stoked that I have that free Sundin shirt kicking around... for this round at least.

Anywho, that all leads to THIS, which, shockingly enough, caught me completely off-guard:

Stanley Cup Final
Vancouver Canucks (3W) vs. Pittsburgh Penguins (4E)
I want to say Pens in 7, but I can't.
I honestly have NO CLUE who will win this series.
Remember that Pens-Nucks game in November?
No. Flipping. Clue.

We will all pray.

Vancouver's emergency services will have a preview of the gong-show they'll be pitted against next February. (Consider it your full dress rehearsal, guys.)

I will whore myself out for tickets to ANY game in this series. I'm almost serious. Okay, I'd never ACTUALLY whore myself out, but I will do A LOT of crappy promotional work for companies I hate just so I can afford tickets, on the off-chance that there are any available for any games. Which, short of some deftly played magic trick performed by the Hand of Godard in the presence of His Holiness Mario Lemieux, there won't be. You know it's playoff season when the atheist begins to hope for divine intervention...

There won't be tickets, because I'm pretty sure the only city crazier about their hockey team than Pittsburgh (other than Montreal, of course - that just sort of goes without saying) is Vancouver. You wouldn't think so most of the time, but there is a reason why I don't go to games at the Garage: I can't afford to pay 175$ for a 65$ ticket in the nosebleeds. The entire season was sold out before the pre-season began. Getting playoff tickets to a Canucks SCF game? You will be paying at least 300$ a pop. No joke. That's a conservative estimate. Good seats? My best guess? 800-1000$. And no, I am not exaggerating. People WILL pay it. This town in nuts. Good nuts. Kind of like Pittsburgh.

Somehow, it didn't register until tonight, that if the Canucks actually manage to claim the Western Conference title, THE PENS WILL COME TO VANCOUVER. (I just re-read that sentence and realized that I seem to be operating on some sort of implicit assumption that the Pens can CLEARLY take the eastern conference...that, my friends, is the closest I come to faith. I don't believe in God, but I believe in Godard. Close enough... now can Bylsma put him back in the freaking line-up already???)

The chances of this happening actually seem almost stupidly plausible.

I mean, there are a couple safer bets. (ie. the boring collection of Sharks/Wings versus Boston/Devils match-ups that TSN collectively BORED the nation with last week - because, you know, betting on the 2 top-seed teams and 2nd and 3rd seed teams is such a great use of your 'analytic' talents boys... sorry, but the monkey has better odds picking winners than half of you...)

TSN seems to have forgotten that the word "upset" remains heavily abused in the post-season, every post-season, and never by the team you expect. Rangers? They might be it. Columbus? Maybe they're just warming up to blast the Red Wings back into off-season oblivion. (Please, PLEASE let the Jackets win game 4!!!) Whoever it is, and whatever round it happens in, it's going to be awesome to watch the boys on TSN backtrack and claim that they believed in whoever it is that makes the SCF 'all along'... and the bloggers will use youtube to make fun of them. Good times.

Your Happy Wednesday Playoff Line-up

Off-day for the Pens. There will be something to watch on Pens TV anyways...

Boston - Montreal @ 7 p.m. ET.
sigh... get your brooms Boston. I hope the SQ and the Montreal Police are prepared for this...

Caps -Rangers @ 7 p.m. ET.
As someone on CBC said earlier today, it's beginning to look like this series will go to the team who can win on the road. Weirdness. Go Rangers. Only because I dislike you less and if you win, the Pens get to play the Devils or Carolina in the round 2, which bodes well for the Pens.

Hawks-Flames on TSN @10 p.m. ET.
I will be rooting for Toews. (It somehow makes it easier for me to forget how much I like the Flames if I pretend I'm just rooting for one of my old WJC boys...)


Susan said...

Oh, I love John Wyndham! This is one of my favorite books, it kept me company during a very bad, very long night.

Jessclub7 said...

Our weekly game in England is Hawks-Flames at 3.25 in the a.m.

I may set an alarm. Just so I do an even worse job than usual in work tomorrow. On St George's Day too.

ali said...

Paper, quiz studying, or Caps/Rags game???

Caps/Rags game.



Val said...

There should really be no other SC charts than yours, Mer :)

lauren said...

That's why I love living in a state with the worst economy in the US- even scalped tickets aren't too terribly expensive.

I've given up trying to predict what is going to happen in this postseason, haha. But I love your playoff charts!

Lauren said...

So about that Pens-Nucks game in November...I was there! The all-out brawl 25 seconds in was certainly a sight to see. I was bummed Flower wasn't playing that day (this was when he was out for a little bit with an injury) and so then I was like, "Oh, I'll get to see Luongo play - he's good." Yeah, that lasted about five minutes before he died on the ice (or something) and didn't return. Actually, he didn't play for several weeks after that.

mer said...

I remember you being SO disappointed not to get to see Luongo! I was so sad for you :(

Hammer said...

Go Jackets!