Saturday, 16 May 2009

The joys of TNT supermarket

Questions best left unanswered:

What is the blue stuff?
Why are we adding vodka to it?
Why doesn't it taste any different with 2 oz. of vodka in it???
What the HELL is the stuff in the Capri-Sun-esque foiltetrapackcontraption?
Why are we DRINKING it?
Why does it have the consistency of liquified lychee and jello shots and things that take us to dark places?

We might be able to answer ANY or ALL of these questions if the labels weren't entirely in Japanese and Mandarin and French translated directly from those languages by someone with maybe a semester of French and no sense of sentence structure. All we know is the blue stuff is called "Hawaii" - we don't trust it.

Why does it taste like a fizzified blue lagoon in a bottle?

We don't trust blue lagoons because of that one time in theatre school when we ended up having like six of them on top of all those shots of tequila on a stomach that had consumed a croissant and a cup of tea that day. For some reason, at the time, taking the senior tech crew up on the challenge of a drinking contest seemed like a really good idea. That's what not sleeping for four days on production does to you.

(Lesson to the young ones reading this? Tequila = The Devil a.k.a. Martin Brodeur --> at the time the challenge to beat him at his game seems like a good idea, but then later you wonder why you ever tried to beat him at a game he clearly INVENTED??? WHY? WHYYYYY? Just say no.)

It is possible that this may kill us...

Blame TNT, the Asian supermarket which sells this shit, for tossing to the wind legalities like listing the ingredients in either (let alone both) official languages. One time we ended up with these jelly shots (non-alcoholic, mind you) that nearly killed us. Only after Big Red had nearly DIED choking, did one of the tiny, quiet Chinese girls on our floor burst into uncharacteristically violent laughter explaining that the graphics are trying to explain that they are a choking hazard. Um. DUH?

TNT also has a fairly entertaining produce section. I'm pretty sure half the things there don't have names in English.

TNT: an adventure in every aisle.


Jessclub7 said...

The Asian supermarket really is the Russian roulette of retail.

Or the adventurous drinkers greatest ally.

Just never attempt Power Hour with any of the concoctions you make. The body only has a certain tolerance for E numbers and eyeball bursting levels of aspartame.

One supermarket I know of in Manchester has an aisle marked 'Toys', which consists entirely of different sized meat cleavers and other knives.

mer said...

Jess. You must take me there in August.

Val said...

A blast from my past: I drank one of those blue concoctions (I think it was called a skylab fallout, but you can insert any blue alcoholic drink name) in college, ended up under the table staring at Garth Brooks boots while he sang a set at Eskimo Joe's. Good times, good times!

Lauren said...

HAHAHA Val your story cracked me up!

It reminds me of the time before winter and summer break when everyone was trying to dispose of all the leftover alcohol they had, so we'd make Ranger Punch (a.k.a. dump whatever you have in and mix in some Kool-Aid) - it usually let to quite the debauchery!

Jessclub7 said...

Mer - I don't know about the situ in Van, but in Manc these places have a tendency to be there one day and gone the next.

If the authorities get a bit too close for comfort.


So it may not still be there. I shall keep a beady eye out though.