Sunday, 31 May 2009

This is not over.

Don Cherry says Pittsburgh should have won. I must be hallucinating. Maybe the refs slipped me some of their acid... because they sure as hell didn't see what *I* was seeing. Maybe they were distracted by the shiny bouncing mushrooms and the Puck Huffers' army of pigs.

More in a bit, when I've had a chance to process this game...

Okay. It's the morning after. Okay, not even the morning. It's the afternoon. There's only 3.5 hours until the puck drops again. (WTF? I couldn't even begin to think about playing again after that game if I was them. Gold Stars all around.)

My game notes... they're incomprehensible (complete with spelling errors), but I'm still too tired to try to relive this game. Commentary is in red.

First Period.
The first half of the first flies by.
Orpik lays Hoss out on his ass like a 5 year-old.
MAF is on fire.
Geno is pterodactyl-like. Flying like all over the place -
OMIGOD I CAN'T BLEIEVE he fumbled that!!!!!!!!!
Geno gets the puck into Detroit’s end.
Feds sees it coming, backs up, gets the rebound. He is forgiven for 2004.
Brad Stewart, +/- of 0.
Scores then turns it over to Geno for Feds goal.
Karma’s a bitch, eh kid?

Don Cherry Tries to BLIND the nation.

Cherry rants about drugs in hockey.
Then he goes on a rant about never giving up.
We’re tempted to actually listen... (nooooo do not submit to Uncle Don’s diatribe!)
me: bahahahaha Cherry is giving inspirational speeches about never giving up
Ali: that's so nice of him... lol
me: an ounce of heart is worth a pound of muscle. thanks.
32 hits, 17 by Pens.
70% of face-offs to Wings.
Shots : 11-7, Wings.

Second Period.
Crosby nearly scores like 15 seconds in pulling a Geno.
Scrambling around the net, no dice.
Whirlpool..... seriously we feel a little sea-sick from the cameras swirling around.
There are no end to end plays, everything is looping through the neutral zone. Dizzzyyyyy...
Nice TK backcheck.
Osgood doesn’t know where the puck is.
me: nice Letang! shit
Lauren: oh no! Letang better not be hurt or someone's getting an octopus shoved up his nose
me: but that was a great play!
Letang might be hurt? Hits his head. Sacrifice!
He’s on the bench cringing up a storm.
Wings penalty.
Babcock’s pissed.
Will Pens’ PP show up?
Letang’s on the ice for the PP. (Can't be that hurt...right?)
Amazing opportunity, but Ozzy’s net has a Death Star force field.
No one understands how the Pens don’t score.
CBC is using the word sick as an adjective.
Sammuelson “outmuscles” JStaal in the manner of a holding penalty or something. PP time!
Some asshole keeps waving his hands in front of CBC’s camera. Seriously, could ya stop???
Pens keep allowing SH chances: Bylsma pulls 87 and 13.
25-26-27 on the ice. Hee hee! Grit-city!
Detroit's got Sammuelson, Huddler and Franzen on the ice together? Weird.
Letang blocks a shot; he’s actually playing D tongiht.
Apparently so is Geno.
Malkin saves the day. Keeps the puck from Hossa.
Dear jesus this is ugly – all the stars are on the ice.

Satan gets a chance: How did that NOT go in?
Crosby proves why he’s a superstar. Sickest idividual play since "The Geno."
In fact, it looks like "The Geno: Redux."
Pens on PK.
All hopes on JStaal. Pleaspleaseplease?
Ericsson is way too effing cute to be a Wing. Can we get him please? (Seriously, can we?)
Flower meet Holstrom's ass.
bad move Cooke...
Ali: kind of looks like he's being hidden on the bench now... haha
Lauren: woah...nice block...Sid?!

LOVED that MAF makes two sick saves like 1/3 of a second apart on Zet and Holmstrom?
Puck off Flower’s leg into the neck. (fully meant net...)
Cleary gets credit for the boards bounce.

me: Come on Bill, do it
Lauren: HAHAH they just described Hal Gill's weight in tons
me: let's go into intermission up a goal
Lauren: "You're talking about 6'7" and 1/8 of a ton"
me: that was sick
me: FUCK

Ali: um. that sucked
Lauren: big time suckage
me: I cannot believe how many empty fucking seats there are in that arena

Ali: I was just thinking the same thing... it's unbelievable

After 2 - Faceoffs 26-11, Wings. Ew.
Pens out-shot Wing 13-11.

Geno-Kronwall train wreck.
Talbot is DENIED.
Tanger’s denied.
Puck on Ozzy’s back.
Z holds it there. Pens should get a penalty shot, but DON’T.
FUCK you Devorski. Do your god-damn job.

End of the game: 32-30 shots Pens.
Final Score: Pens, 1 - Wings, 1 - Joe Louis' boards, 2.

That was the biggest gong-show of a shit-show in the world.
Hello Paul? Lay off the acid next game and maybe then you’ll catch those pesky penalties...
Is the Red distracting you from the game? Are you a Bull? Toro Toro!!!
(It would explain the BS calls...)

I am fairly annoyed by bounces and officiating. The bounces are bounces, so I can't exactly blame the Wings for knowing how to use their arena to their advantage. Even Ozzy admitted that he's been the unfortunate victim of Joe's boards. Yeah, only he does have the advantage because it's his home arena. He does get to play at least 41 games a season there. But not calling that hold of Zetterberg's made my blood boil a little. Crosby looked pissed, but resigned. I was annoyed by how easily everyone just let it go. Sorry, but what's the use of six billion cameras and instant replay if the officials are effing blind and we can't use them?

Ugh. Game two at 8 p.m. ET.

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