Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Dear Maxime Talbot...

Screw diamonds. Your empty netter is a girl's best friend... if that girl happens to be a Pens fan... who happened to call you scoring the insurance goal... ie. well, mostly just me, actually...

Someday, you'll walk into some bar in the Southside, and some blond chick is going to come up to you and say thanks (well, she'll say merci) and buy you copious amounts of liquor. Just so you're prepared.

love,
Mer



To fully understand why this is significant, we must return to approximately ten o'clock this morning, when I was getting to a point of desperation (in life and in hockey) that I last felt... well, on June 2nd of last year during the Stanley Cup Final. Last year I got Game 5, and the most epic game-tying goal of Max Talbot's career. This year... well... I wasn't holding out for triple OT. I just wanted a win. Any win. And, this morning I was willing to promise to do a lot of silly stupid things to get one...

I would like to say, straight off the bat, that I really had no intention of actually getting Ky to get me Max's address. (I'm insane, but I'm not that insane.) It was the desperation talking... but now... well, it seems like Max wants his drunken penguin cookies, and Kris wants his hugs...

Tequila + mint chocolate chips + boredom & hunger @ 1 a.m. = Brebs & Eddie's Original Drunken Penguin Cookies
I can't find the really good photos...


Then, at about 11:30 a.m. this morning when, after finally securing employment (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!), I went online briefly to email Ky to tell her the news (because getting a job is news for me since it was becoming a near obsession...) and I flippantly said some more silly things...


I'm really not high-maintenance... I swear...
Really, I'm not. I just want my boys to win the Stanley Cup. They want it too. It's fully a win-win scenario. And I'll manipulate the cosmos by calling goals I want to see as long as I need to, in order to ensure that it happens. And I'm not demanding... honest.
...so Max scored (good boy!) and then...

I'm blind and clearly, I need new glasses. Letang scored. Not a game winner... but I can (and intend to) argue that his tying the game back up was indirectly what won the Pens the game...
Apparently, my internal editor had punched out for the night by this point...

June 2nd is henceforth Max Talbot Day or the Official Anniversary of Supreme Clutchtasticness. He's scored me three goals on this illustrious date. I intend for this to become a tradition (and yes, I realize that that presupposes the Pens making more Cup Final appearances). I'd worry that this is an unrealistic expectation, but he listens. When I ask, he scores. Almost as often as Kris Letang. Sadly... still not winning. Until...


The Pens are up 3-2. I'm not happy. I want an insurance goal. I decide to ask Max since he's been so lovely about scoring when I beg... I mean, as long as we hold on to the one-goal lead, we'll win, but... one goal games make me nervous. They are bad for my blood pressure. (Actually playoffs are bad for my blood pressure.) And for everyone's, apparently... an insurance goal would be good for everyone right about now...

Someone, please tell me what job I can get with strange predictive talent? Whatever it is (so long as I don't have to change my name to Cassandra), I'm down...

I'm missing Game 4 because I have to work. I'd complain, but I'm pretty sure the guys will let me run up to the pub to and catch bits of the game if we can't get it on radio down in the kitchen (the joys of working for a man who has Malkin, Kunitz, Fleury and Sykora in his hockey pool). And, well, I've been desperate for a job, and I actually love the people I'm going to be working with, so really I shant complain BECAUSE GAME 4 CANNOT POSSIBLY BE THE END OF THE PLAYOFFS!!!

I love my Pens! I love my friends!! I love my life!!!

11 comments:

Val said...

As long as there is no blue involved in any alcoholic beverage you buy Max, I think he will be agreeable :)

Val said...

oh, and congrats on your new job, that is awesome!

Susan said...

I've gotta agree, Max and Letang are incredible! Whoo hoo!!!
Congrats on the job, too!

mer said...

thank you!!!

Jessclub7 said...

Congrats on the job - though the offer to take mine is still open.

This week I have dealt with 2 transgendered people, been called by someone in prison twice, dealt with a polygamous marriage, had 2 people break down in tears on the phone, caught 3 people committing fraud, had a conversation with a Polish person which consisted of me talking basic Russian at them for approx 40 minutes with them understanding 1 in every 20 words and received an official government email about Britain's Got Talent(!).

And it's only Wednesday. Fml.

mer said...

@ jess - I'll take a prep kitchen listening to Bob Marley with my hockey-obsessed boss any day...

Jessclub7 said...

Such is the life of the Specialist Decision Maker.

Oh and I forgot to add to the list: reduced a colleague to tears at 8am because I implied that they were stupid and couldn't do their job.

Which they can't.

And I didn't so much imply it as shout it across an office with 85 people in it.

mer said...

Jess, I will live vicariously through your hellish job and allow you to behave in all the horrible ways I wish I had the nerve to act. How's that?

Jessclub7 said...

That's fine.

I'm not usually brave. I'm probably having a breakdown and it was a cry for help. Mwahaha!

Still, there are only 37 days until I am going to be on a plane en route to another hemisphere. Not that I am counting or anything.

Are you still coming to England Mer?

mer said...

That's the plan. The wedding is on August 21st. Now that I have a job, I can concentrate on finding the cheapest ticket in the universe from Toronto to London. Can I go to your job for a day? I can totally Specialize in Decision Making! (I cannot effing believe your job title!)

As long as it's not like about important stuff, like how to mix stripes and polka-dots.

Jessclub7 said...

Awesome.

Yeah you can come to my job, make some decisions. Security is pretty lax - they test the fire and the bomb alarm once a week and that's about it.

And then I could show you the sights of Warrington. Where the IRA bomb went off, erm, the Alice in Wonderland statue, *thinking quite hard* the house Oliver Cromwell stayed near in the Civil War .....

We can get the train to Manchester and/or Liverpool.

Ironically, out of work I am very indecisive.

Just don't violate the pen policy!