I had planned on doing a Following the Faux Hawk summer feature as soon as my Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins eliminated the Washington Capitals on May 13. I haven't had too much luck. Turns out, my favorite Calagarian is either a) not very interesting; or b) no one cares. I'm going with the former, beceause clearly, I care!
One would think that setting up a Google Alert for Mike Green, Washington Capitals would result in some interesting summertime news. Yeah, not so much. So far, I've learned that my dear Mikey is recovering nicely from an injury. What injury? Did he drink too much after being eliminated? Did he sit too long in his hot tub and get all pruney? Don't ask me, because I don't know. No one said. How's that for fact reporting?
What I do know is that
This has been a tough week for Mikey. First, his beautiful visage was replaced on my desktop by a Stanley Cup Champion. I will be rotating desktops all summer long, so he won't be gracing my computer screen again anytime soon. I should probably learn to be more supportive, because that's just rubbing salt in his already painful wounds.
Second, he didn't win the Norris Trophy. As the envelope was opened, I crossed my fingers, scrunched my face up, and closed my eyes as tightly as I could. It didn't work. Zdeno Chara won instead, which didn't upset me entirely. He's pretty BAMF, and he gave an awesome acceptance speech. Way to man-up and thank your wife for putting up with you and bearing your children. All men should be like you.
I know you are all dying to know what Mike is up to this summer, so hopefully he does something interesting. Or maybe Caps fans and the Washington media could stalk him down for me. I'd do it, but I'll be too busy following Lord Stanley all over the world.