Friday, 12 June 2009

The Gospel According to Mer

CBC is our broadcasting deity.
This is why.



This is why, going into Game 1 of this series, we knew that this is our year. Because CBC decided to begin the series to the tune of Coldplay's The Scientist. Because Coldplay is forever associated with Tom Percival, and Tom Percival is our make-believe Sidney Crosby. Because we cannot, for the life of us, separate fiction from reality. So when CBC decides to make the epic intro the Stanley Cup final series to Tom's favourite band, it feels like a sign that fiction is actually way closer to reality that we thought and this is just going to be one more time when something written flippantly somehow, inexplicably, plays out in real life just like in a story.

Pens lose Game 1.
Fine.
Good thing this is a seven game series.

For Game 2, CBC decides to taunt Pens fans.

We kind of want to punch them in the jugular.

Game 3: Time for Fight Music.
We're down with that. Bring it.Crosby vs. Zetterberg factors in significantly.
Because you know, you might NOT have picked that up whilst WATCHING the first two games.

Pens. Win.
We told you to bring it...

Game 4: Proof that CBC employs SOMEONE under the age of 40.

It's like someone gave Max Talbot free reign over the pre-game video.
Editing and everything.
This is actually COOL.
Even if it is the Black Eyed Peas...
Mostly because of the sex-glare le swooon gives us at 0:52.

Game 5: CBC ejaculates prematurely.

This is one of those 'neither the time nor the place' moments.
This is worthy of Game 7. Only not. It's kind of too cheezy.
CBC clearly did this two games too early, because they were scared they wouldn't have another shot, and clearly they thought they had something better for Game 6.
Someone needs to give them a lesson on the virtues of patience and faith.
And timing.

Game 6: Do or Die.
This is how you do epic.

Again with the taunting.
At least to a decent song this time.

Game 7: ???
Thing is, if the CBC intro is to a Coldplay song (especially Viva la Vida), this Cup is ours.
Hell, this Cup is ours no matter what.
That's probably the most self-confident things I've ever said that I had no right to say.
Only when Brooks replies to a question of why the Pens think they can win by saying "What makes you think we can't? Give me a good reason why we can't" I feel completely justified.

And so, in this manner, we enter Game 7:
Some of you are religious. Please don't be offended by this; it is meant in the most respectful, semi-sacrilegious manner possible.

After this manner, therefore, pray ye:

Our Owner, who art in Mellon,
Lemieux be thy Name.

Thy Cup-run come.

Thy will be done,

In Joe as it is in Mellon.

Give us this day a power-play goal.

And forgive us our cross-checks,

As we forgive those who cross-check against us.

And lead us not into bad turn-overs,

But deliver us from failure.

For thine is the Cup-run,

the championship, and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.



and in Mario...


and in all the Pens... ever...


It's your time to rule the world, boys...

6 comments:

Kylie said...

Those videos are epic.

The puck needs to drop already. I can't wait another 10 hours.

vancitycanuck said...

9 more hours and I'm seriously dying at work waiting.

Lauren said...

This gave me serious chills.

I think even my grandmother, the retired minister who lives in the middle of northeastern Ohio where they barely know what a puck is, can appreciate that beautiful prayer. :)

25superstar said...

game 4. wow. EPIC.

Clare said...

Have you assigned goal scoring responsibilties for tonight?

Awesome work!

Val said...

Just got caught up with the vids...awesome job by the CBC, now if only our American broadcasting companies could get that same idea for the NHL...