Friday, 3 July 2009

You're getting off easy this time, buster!

I agreed to cover my friend's shift so he could go back to Kentucky for the week. When he said 'next Friday' last week, it didn't really click that he meant July 3rd. In my brain, the rat's nest that she is, there was an extra week added in there before I was supposed to escape Van.

Not so much.

By the time I realized my mistake, he had his plane ticket and I'm stuck with his shift. And the one person who could have switched shifts with me tomorrow didn't feel like it. Not couldn't, wouldn't. As Lauren reminded me earlier, somehow, karmically, this will come back to bite him in the ass. Not that I will deliberately be a jerk in the future, but I sure as hell haven't been given any reason to accommodate his scheduling needs...

The unfortunate side-effect of my attempt to be nice: I don't get to go to Kelowna this weekend to drink wine and tear a strip off Dany Heatley (if I could find him) for being a self-serving S.O.B. who's following in the grande old Senators tradition of making the front office's collective life a nightmare.

He actually got called the "Most Hated Man in Hockey" on TSN today. I was momentarily confused, I was under the impression that this title was held by Chris Pronger by default until he announces his retirement. My bad... Then again, it's been a while since Ottawa got its hate on because one of our players was being an unparralleled douchebag. I thought we outgrew that phase in 2001. Apparently I was wrong. Turns out my favourite team is just a spineless, talent-sucking, draft-bust magnet with no real clue how to draft well and a really big weakness for showy players who then proceed to disappoint us spectacularly in one way or another, usually resulting in one or more public-relations nightmares.

Except Daniel Alfredsson. I love Alfie; he is a giant, ginger, Ikea teddy-bear Captain. I don't care that he was handed the C because Alexei Yashin was a fucking asshole who wouldn't honour his contract (AGAIN. I could do a whole post on this... but I won't). Alfie still deserved Captaincy. Alfie deserves A LOT of things. He probably deserves more success than he has had with Ottawa. His loyalty boggles my mind.

As does the fact that Ottawa management hasn't figured out that they need more guys like him and Ryan Shannon and Nick Foligno, and less guys like Dany Heatley and Ray Emery and Wade Redden. (Oh, wait, we got rid of Emery and Redden... maybe someone is FINALLY beginning to learn a lesson here... ONLY TOOK SEVENTEEN YEARS!!! There is a glimmer of hope on the horizon... or maybe that's the train barrelling down on us. Can't tell yet...)

I was fully prepared to mope around for most of the night at work due to the No-Kelowna news. Then, just before my shift started, I felt the compulsive need to check the TSN website. Worst. Plan. Ever. (Well, since watching 'On the Ice and Beyond' the other night.) Scuderi to LA for 13.6M$ over 4 years. VOMIT. If I had a cell phone, I'd have been dialing Kylie to make sure she hadn't deliberately driven herself off the Hot Metal Bridge into the Mon or singlehandedly consumed a mickey of Guerin Cobra Scorpion Whiskey. I don't have a cell phone. So I just PRAYED. (Yes, seriously.)

The only way I can deal with this news is to cling to the rationale that, like it or not, Scuderi deserves that pay raise (he made less than Kris Letang this season!) and that, like it or not, the Pens couldn't afford him. In Shero I Trust. Even if we lost an AMAZING defenceman. If we had spent 3+ million a year on Scuderi, how in heaven would we afford to re-sign Gonchar next year? And how would we afford to give Kris Letang a contract-extension? And is it worth maybe losing Godard, or Dupuis, or Sykora, or all three in the next few weeks, just to keep Scuderi?

It's unfortunate that not everyone is willing to give Shero a massive discount, but with the money he isn't paying Robert, he can do a lot of things. With an extra three and a half million dollars over the next four years, the Pens will have enough to keep other people we love, including Kris Letang (who goes RFA in a year) and Gonchar (who's UFA the same day). I'm hoping Shero signs Letang to a three-year contract or something later this summer or in the fall, the way he did with Simba last year. This may just be my own little delusion, but I get the distinct impression that Letang will give Shero a serious discount in order to stay in Pittsburgh and have a shot at winning the Cup again. But, like I said, that may be a complete fabrication borne of my subconscious desire for him to be a Penguin FOREVER so I never have to stop cheering for him.

Which is what I had hoped would happen with Heatley when he signed a 6-year contract with the Sens. But no. Really, it's probably a good thing I'm not going to Kelowna. I can't afford to pay anyone back if they had to post my bail...

You're getting off easy this time, buster. Don't think I won't come up there and kick your ass myself if you drag this out a la Mats-Sundin-meets-Alexei-Yashin... I am SEVERELY unimpressed right now.
death glares and a few of Owain's skull-fuck shots,

The only thing that could make me forget about the Dany-drama is if Ray Shero signs Kristopher Letang to a contract extension. I might cry. For joy. So long as the concept of le swooon remaining a Penguin didn't result in my mind being instantly wiped clear of coherent thought more thoroughly and poetically than Stephenie Meyer was ever able to describe in Twilight.

Some days are just so arse you need a little bit of instant amnesia. Kind of like today. Amnesia kind of like this:

Guuuuhh. Sacré Crisse, you are pretty.

What were we saying?


ali said...

So... for a second, when I began reading this I thought it was a true story...

All I could think was - "REALLY?!?! REALLY?!?! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"


Susan said...

I had something to say, but, now that I have seen the photo of Tanger in the pool, I can't remember what it was... or my name... or much of anything.
Thanks for posting that pic, it helps (a little bit) with the pain of losing Scuds.